For a Tower of Gold
by BERSER-CAR
Summary: The 5th Holy Grail War gets derailed by everyone involved summoning not the heroes they were supposed to summon. Instead, they summoned the best and brightest (and the only!) of the Roosterteeth Let's Players. They summoned the Achievement Hunters. God Dammit Zeltretch. ONESHOT, maybe expand at a later date...


I had this idea for a while, but i could never get the execution right, so i just decided to barf out anything that came to mind. I literally wrote this over the course of three hours, with breaks in between to procrastinate MOAR.

This one shot might continue. It might get rewritten. Who knows? I just wanted to say i wrote the damn thing and that it will stay out of my head forever... or at least another month while i try to work on my other stories.

Seriously surprised no one has tried to do this. There are six achievement hunters, with six slots open - archer or six achievement hunters plus one other with an optional archer.

Now, time to get back to some mysterious Jogos currently running on my PS3 and wiiu and 3ds...

* * *

"So do you have any beer in here?"

Rin's eye twitched.

"Seriously, I know you have wine, but I really need a good drink... Are there any bars around here at all?"

"Lancer... Please, don't test me..."

Rin breathed deep. She needed to keep calm. Her servant was an idiot drunkard. She had to accept that and move on. She had already wasted a command seal trying to teach him a lesson after he had wrecked her house (although, admittedly, that had been mostly her fault), and she could ignore the constant whining for just a few more days and then he was gone for good. Yes, she just had to concentrate on her own thoughts...

There was a small crash coming from the room next to her. "Whoops! I think I broke your TV! Sorry about that!" Heavy footsteps thudded toward her. "But seriously, you don't have any video games either?! No beer, no games, what do you do in your free time?!"

She glared at Lancer. She could tell it wasn't doing much to intimidate him, as she actually had to look up quite a way to look into the eyes of the seven foot tall servant.

She saw the lips on the extremely pale servant twist up into a small smile before he quickly turned on his orange armor clad heel and walked off towards the couch, where he plopped himself right in the center.

"Well, if you insist on no games or beer, then I suppose that I'll just sit over here and wait for them to come to us, cause there is no way I'm going outside without any drinks."

She silently fumed from where she stood. Why in the world did her servant have to be so... Petulant?! He had to be some sort of warrior, the orange armor he wore and the mere fact he was a servant showed that he was someone of great skill and insight, but here was a man who wanted nothing else but to play video games and drink beer, both of which cost money!

She once more turned a glare to her servant, and let out another breath. She had already deduced her servant had to be from the future, as there was no way that armor he was wearing came from any time before today. Plus, she was sure that she would have heard of a hero by the name of "Geoff" who wore orange armor and liked drinking.

So far, he hasn't really told her anything other than his name, but seeing as he was of the three knight classes, he couldn't possibly be that bad.

Yes, he had to be good. She couldn't possibly have summoned a bad servant. She was a Tohsaka after all.

She took a quick glance back at the couch potato, who seemed to have dozed off.

On second thought...

"Bollocks!"

Sakura Matou turned to look at the servant she had summoned and recently given away to her brother.

He had been reading a book from the library, but the book had spontaneously combusted, nearly lighting both the table and himself on fire.

She tilted her head and sighed, the grass beneath her looking more and more appealing by the second.

She had been shopping for some groceries when she had spotted her brother, who had been tugging a spiky haired man with a green pixel-pattern scarf around his neck. She instantly recognized Caster and had decided to discretely follow them to see what her brother was up to.

She had seen him lead Caster to a library, where caster then proceeded to check out a few books and quickly walk out.

Then, he had bought some ice cream, forcing her brother to pay for it before sitting down on a bench in a nearby park and reading.

She had watched him read one of the books from his pile for about five minutes, with shinji glaring at him occasionally, but just as she was about to turn away and continue with the rest of her day, the book had caught fire.

"Will you stop lighting things on fire?!" Shinji yelled at him. "I have to follow you around like a moron because you keep doing that!"

"Hey! That's mean..." The green clad servant responded. "It's not my fault things keep lighting on fire! It just... Happens!"

"You got us kicked out of the house!" Her brother responded. "And the library!"

"Oh stop being such a mingy twat!" He said with his British accent. "It's just-"

Shinji's hair lit on fire.

"Ahhh! Get it off get it off get it off!"

Sakura got up and decided it was time to head home.

Maybe pick up some burn medication too.

"Berserker! Where are you?!"

Illiasviel was currently trying to preform one of the very, very many tasks she had set out to do upon reaching Fuyuki city.

She had honestly not expected to be able to do this one, as she wasn't sure if any of the local kids would be willing to play with her and her maids were sticks in the mud who would suck all the fun out of her game.

"Come on berserker, I know you are around here somewhere!" She called out again.

Which was why she had found an unexpected friend in her recently summoned berserker.

She had been expecting to summon the all mighty Heracles, hero of the Greeks, as a berserker of the highest class.

What she had gotten instead... Well, he beat Heracles any day!

"Berserker! Come on! How can I play hide and seek if you are so good at hiding?"

There was a sudden crash behind her followed by a brief flow of air and debris which ruffled her clothing. She turned around to face a giant of a man, ten feet tall with pound upon pound of muscle with the skin of a bear draped over his shoulders and a large pack hoisted on his back. His shorts seemed to strain to hold themselves together as he stood tall, his arms crossed over each other.

"MOOOGGAAAAARRR!" The beast roared.

"Berserker! There you are!" She giggled. "You were hiding on the roof the entire time, weren't you? Sneaky sneaky sneaky, but you won't win the next one!"

"MOOOOGAAAARR!" He yelled again, before leaping through the castle at high speeds.

Yup. Berserker was definitely better than any other servant she could have summoned.

He hid in the shadows.

Assassin watched as people went by, high above in the shadow of a nearby building atop a rooftop.

His master had summoned him for one purpose and one purpose only.

Gather intelligence.

Assassin could do that. In fact, intelligence gathering was possibly his only real skill.

Well, that and cheating.

Well, technically, those are pretty entwined with each other, with his ability to cheat allowing him to gather information extremely easily.

But no one cared for semantics.

Except everybody did.

But it doesn't matter anymore. Not anymore...

His master had told him to find somewhere to hide until all the servants had been summoned, as then he could use his abilities to their maximum potential and perhaps finally feel the taste of victory which he had so longed for...

People underestimated his master. They underestimated him. Together, they would win the most valued prize in all of human history.

Yes. The shinning, the brilliant, the golden-

"Nurse Caleb, patient 464 needs your help. He's having a bit of bowel trouble."

His inner monologue interrupted, the now named Caleb stepped out of the shadow of the building and straighter out his nurse's scrubs before putting on a smile on his pudgy face and replying.

"Yes, yes, just out here taking a breather. I'll be in in a minute!"

The war did not take precedent over his new day job until the war actually started, especially considering he was undercover...

Better get to patient 464 then...

Straighten tie.

Check.

Comb hair.

Check.

Check teeth.

Check.

Straighten clothes.

Check.

Flatten kilt.

Check.

Smile.

Check.

Archer turned away from the mirror and looked back at his room.

It was quaint, for its size. Not much to look at, but it was fine for what it was.

It had a bed. It had a door. It had a closet and a mirror.

He walked around a bit, easing his muscles a bit before he walked towards the door.

He opened it to find the sun shining above, birds chirping and cicadas buzzing.

It was certainly a good day.

He took a brief look around before letting out a sigh and heading towards a rather small trapdoor hidden under some cherry blossom petals and opened it up, revealing a set of stone stairs.

He walked down into the darkness, torches seemingly lighting the way as he walked down.

Thank god for circuitry.

He eventually reached the bottom where a truly pleasant sight met his eyes.

A glass floor led towards a throne of gold, with comfortable upholstery and a rather nice footstool. He walked up to the throne, walking ever so casually towards the throne itself.

He looked down, observing the world below the glass floor.

"Hello Edgar, how are we doing today?" He said aloud. "Hey Edgar! You to Edgar, don't think I forgot you Edgar! And Edgar, you rascal!"

He walked down the lane, spouting similar greetings to seemingly no one, before he eventually reached his throne, grabbing the small crown from the top of the golden chair and placing it atop his head.

From high in his chair, he could see through the glass to the various cells, comprised of simply holes in the ground. Inside each hole were the previous occupants of his current base, now sitting on the floor of their respective cages, either vegtabalized, living in fear, or insane.

But there was neither a sound to be heard nor a death to be seen. For Edgar always lives in the hole.

And they were all Edgar.

"It's good to be king, right Edgar?"

A man hidden in the shadows walked out, silently stalking towards the king.

"My name is Kuzuki. Not Edgar."

Archer smiled.

"Whatever you say Edgar... Whatever you say..."

"So, you're the guy who summoned me, huh?"

Shirou was at a complete loss as to what was happening. He had seen some sort of fight between a man in red and a man in gray with a helmet near a park, and had promptly made his escape. However, he had then been run over by a car, but had somehow survived that. Then he had been chased through the entire school by someone on a bike, who he was pretty sure had also been in the car.

He had raced to his house as soon as possible, but then he had heard the roar of the engines again, now familiar to his ears, so he had escaped to the shed.

He didn't quite remember what happened after, but a man in a tuxedo had shown up, with a flower in his hand. A man who he was currently standing over him right now.

"I'll take you're silence as a yes." He rubbed his chin. "Well, you can refer to me as tuxedo mask, brownman, king of swag, X-Ray, Ray, or saber, I suppose. Whatever floats your boat."

The sound of an engine revved outside.

"Looks like you got yourself in a bit of a pickle..." He stated. "Well, whoever it is won't be able to stand the power of Tuxedo mask! Time to Yolo this bitch!"

He ran out the door, a cape fluttering behind him.

Shirou could only watch and wonder.

Huh?

"Servant avenger at your service, milady..."

Bazette observed the white haired man in front of her. Kirei had betrayed her in the most despicable way possible and left her for dead, but then she had heard a voice... She didn't quite remember what happened afterwards, but she was in some abandoned apartment with this man in red, who called himself "Avenger."

She tried getting up from her position on the bed, but the loss of her arm was putting making her efforts feel useless... she eventually found a way to move herself up and looked at her supposed servant.

"So... Avenger, right? Mind telling me who you are? Or are you like rider, where even if I do know your identity it won't matter?"

Avenger looked at her critically. "Well, I think so, but my memory is a bit scrambled at the moment... I can't recall a thing." He shrugged. "I remember my abilities and a few jumbled images, but that's it. I think it's because I was summoned as the Avenger class, which shouldn't even be in the grail war..."

"I see..." She sighed. "I'll recuperate a bit more and then we'll talk. That okay with you?"

He nodded and then faded back into his astral state.

So, she wasn't completely out of the game yet... She had a servant, one working arm, and a grudge.

More than enough to win.

* * *

TADA

yeah, that was pretty crap for me.

whatever. IT EXISTS. I DONT CARE IF A RWBY CROSS EXISTED FIRST.

I can never get a handle of fate/stay night characters... they're just so... weird...

Anyway, working on second chapter of crossfire and due to a weird popularity spike in StRS, ill get back to that too... i guess... unless i do something like this...

Anyway, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME TYPE-MOON FANS.

Thank you and GOODNIGHT, JOJO.

ALSO, THEY HAVE A FUCKING SLO MO GUYS CATEGORY BUT NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT HUNTER CATEGORY? I CALL BULLSHIT.


End file.
